


I've come to burn your kingdom down

by ahandsomebabe



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb and Essek are murder husbands and you will pry this hc from my cold dead hands, M/M, Murder Husbands, if you went into throne room and went Wow this is the worst group of people, no beta we die like men, this fic is for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21799621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahandsomebabe/pseuds/ahandsomebabe
Summary: The peace talk was a trap. It was always going to be a trap.It's just the opportunity Caleb has been waiting for.Or: the one where Caleb and Essek murder the whole Cerberus Assembly.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 18
Kudos: 267





	I've come to burn your kingdom down

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for CR campaign 2 episode 88, so if you haven't watched it maybe don't read this. 
> 
> (Written before 89 so if an iota of this comes true that's just sheer dumb luck friends).
> 
> Dedicated to Dani for putting up with my endless CR ranting.

It is fitting that trust is what leads to King Dwendall's downfall.

The peace talk is a double cross. The Nein had known it from the start. They wanted to believe it could work, they did. But when the dignitaries arrived and no Beacon was brought aboard the ship, a series of events happened in quick succession.

An attempt was made on the Queen's life. The king said he would not give the Beacon up to a kingdom of monsters. 

Essek smiled and said a phrase in Undercommon. A warning shot was fired off the bow, and a smoke screen covered the deck. The Nein and the dignitaries jumped back to Roshona just as the first of many pirate ships could be seen approaching over the horizon. 

The Plank King was eager to put an end to any king if it meant having just a little more control over the seas, and no one loathed Dwendall more than those who had to flee all the way to the ocean just to escape him. 

As soon as their feet hit the ground, they raced to the throne room. But they were too late. The Bright Queen was unharmed, and the bodies were already being cleared away. Scourgers, just as Caleb had predicted. 

But they had been no match for half the Dynasty's Echo Knights. The rest were guarding the Ash Keepers, in case of any assault. 

The Bright Queen looked to Essek. Essek looked to Caleb.

Caleb, careful Caleb, who had not used a single spell that day, asked, "How do you feel about cutting out the cancer? Tonight?"

The Bright Queen rose from her throne and descended the steps until she stood with Caleb eye to eye, the Zemnian wizard in Dynasty colors, who still smelled strongly of gunpowder powder from the ship's cannons. "And how far do you believe it has spread, Caleb Widogast, given the events of today?"

Caleb squared his shoulders and did not look back at his friends when he said. "All of it. All of it has to go. I only ask you spare the children; they asked for an education, not weaponization."

There was a long pause, the silence only broken by the scrubbing of the throne room floor. Finally the Bright Queen blinked away her far off stare and said, "What do you need?"

Caleb looked back at his group. He didn't know how the Nein would feel about this. It was not killing in self defense. It was cold, calculated. But Caleb had lived for over twenty years on just the sliver of hope that he would get a chance to kill just _one_ of the Assembly. And this timing...it was too perfect to pass up. He could take them _all out._ Burn the whole thing down.

Caduceus said "If you don't prune a tree often enough, it dies without bearing fruit."

Fjord patted Caduceus on the shoulder and stepped forward by Caleb's side. "A lot. We'll need a lot. But to start - could we take the worms?"

It only took an hour to plan it all out. Caleb drew out maps, Fjord was a surprisingly good strategist with the BQ's team. A list was made (Not Pumat; he was innocent). Teams were established, the Nein split up among them.

They waited for Notts signal to bring it all tumbling down. Her best con yet. "I have it. I have eyes on the Beacon. You can respond to this message."

Take it and go, Essek had said. The moment she picked it up, an alarm screeched to life. But Nott had back up - a shadow lurking right behind her. It cast Dimension Door and faded into nothing. 

The Beacon was safe.

The Echo Knights struck.

The interesting thing about Dunamancy was that it did not follow the rules of the Empire schools of magic. An Echo, for example, was not an incorporeal being like Bigbys Hand. It was not of this timeline. Technically, it did not exist here, but straddled the line between here and elsewhere. Until the Echo attacked or cast a spell, they were not any where. 

This is how Caleb was told that an Echo would not trip an alarm spell.

This is how the Echos managed to assassinate each of the archmages in each of the candles. All but one.

This one was having its throat crushed by Essek Thelyss, not by his shade. This was not part of The Plan, but had been part of Caleb's plan. And ever since Caleb told Essek the story of how he got the scars on his arms, it was Caleb's plan that Essek followed above all others. 

Trent Ikithon still tried to raise a hand to cast; Essek laughed mercilessly and squashed it into pulp, holding his throat still with ease. "You have so much to answer for. I would have you imprisoned in my dungeons for a very long time, but my beloved, well…" Essek's smile widened at the hand on his shoulder. It squeezed him once; Essek kissed his fingers before they let go. "He is impatient."

Caleb studied him, for a long moment. He'd always imagined this night would go very differently. More screaming. More fighting. But outside was quiet. Their work was swift and efficient, just as the Nein had asked it to be. No unnecessary bloodshed. No more innocent lives lost. 

"You were right about one thing, when you saw me last," Caleb said at last, his voice trembling, whole body quaking with something he couldn't describe. "I have gone places. But this is not because of you, or the Academy, or your sick games. I am here because of my friends. My new family."

Trent tried desperately to speak; Essek rolled his eyes and stopped playing games. He drew his dominant hand into a fist and fully crushed the archmage's windpipe.

"Oh, they know what I've done, and you know what?" Caleb said, taking a step closer until he could strangled his mentor if he wanted to. " _They. Don't. Care._ They are my family now, and they do not judge my past, no matter how despicable it may be. And this man," he pointed at Essek, "this man loves me enough to risk everything just to watch me kill you. So I want you to die knowing this, Trent Ikithon - you. Accomplished. Nothing. I won. I live on. I am respected and I am loved. And after you are gone, your legacy is dying with you. There will be nothing left, not even your name. I won't stop until I've eliminated it from history so no one ever discovers the truth of you or what you've done."

Caleb stopped and drew one breath and then another, whispering to someone who wasn't there. Ah. They'd taken a moment too long; Jester had noticed his absence.

"Don't you see, Ikithon?" Essek sneered, stepping forward and taking Caleb by the hand, kissing his knuckles. "We're not here simply to kill you. We've come to take your world apart."

Caleb nudged Essek behind him, put both hands on Trent's head, and cast a spell Essek did not know. It pushed a column of fire straight into the man's body, flames shooting out Trent's head and into the ceiling. As it burned, hands trying to reach out, Essek retook control of his spell and with a twist of his hand, Trents body twisted and contorted until all of its organs were squashed. Every bone was wrenched apart. It hardly looked human. 

"Time to go," Caleb said. The flames had already begun to lick along the walls, overtaking the stairs. The rich tapestries and plaster only made the fire spread faster.

Caleb lead Essek by the hand and together they jumped out the nearest window. Essek hurried to cast his own brand of gravity manipulation, but Caleb already had a feather out and had them both drifting slowly to the ground.

Jester was furious. He thought she might hit him. Instead, she hugged him, pulling Caleb in so tight he felt a section of his back pop. 

She hit Essek on the back of the head. " _You_ were supposed to keep him from doing anything stupid."

"I said I would keep him _safe_ and I have," Essek glared. "He was in no danger, I can assure you of that. But we all will be if we don't get moving."

At the sound of glass breaking, Caleb turned around. The entire upper half of the tower was in flames. "Hey Beauregard," he said as she approached with Fjord and Caduceus. 

"Yeah Caleb?"

"Did you know...that they call this place the candles?" He asked, a lopsided smile on his face.

"Oh my god," Beau said slowly. "Did you just...did you commit a murder and _make a joke_?!"

Essek took Caleb by the shoulders. "He's in a...state I believe. But he'll be fine." He continued to steer Caleb as they made their way to the rendezvous point. 

"I'm fine, you know." Caleb whispered, still smiling. He leaned in and kissed Essek on the cheek. 

"Oh _I know._ But I'm not sure your friends are aware just how…vicious you can be."

"And you don't mind?" Caleb asked.

"Mind," Essek scoffed. "If your friends weren't here, I would-" 

"You would what?"

"Hey," Beau said, "Wizards one and two. We got a Beacon to get home?"

Essek rolled his eyes but went back to work. The Knights took the worms home; the Nein came home via teleport by Essek, his last spell of the day thanks to Trent. 

After a long report and a not so stealthy entrance into the Nein's home (everything was harder when one couldn't levitate) Essek finally made it to Caleb's room and showed him exactly what he meant.

"You are aware," Essek said hours later, close to what would have been sun up, "that if you are to follow through on this threat, you have a very long road ahead of you. There will be published papers, studies. Even when we think we've gotten it all, something still could pop up."

Caleb nodded, looking up at Essek's face from where he was using the drow's chest as a pillow. "Ja. I know. It will take time. But it would go faster with help?"

Essek laughed. "Why Caleb Widogast," he leaned down to kiss the top of his head, the copper hair in tangles. "How could I ever say no?"

**Author's Note:**

> A line that didn't make it in because it threw off the pacing happened in the throne room immediately after escaping the boat.
> 
> There was a joke where Beau goes "So none of that was surprising."
> 
> And the BQ goes: "the pirate ships were a surprise."
> 
> That's it that's the fic. Hope you enjoyed it! It really is a one shot so please don't ask for more. I'm a chronically ill disaster. Thank you.


End file.
